romancing.

Hello, my name is Amy, and I'm a commitment-phobe.

I'm sure there's at least one boy out there -- maybe two -- going, "Yes! I KNEW it!" I'm sorry. It's not you; it's me, really. There's something about the emotional involvement of being with someone for more than twenty minutes that makes me want to leave the state. I could tell you why I'm such a cut-losses girl, but no one showed up here for that sentimental nonsense, did they?

Luckily the Hockey Player shares my trepidation about all things sappy. It took us nine months to admit to the L word to each other -- and I mean "like." [No guys, of course I don't mean 'like.' For real?] We have our one-year coming up next week, and for a while I was freaking out about it. Then I got over it. Maybe because I realized I was being dumb. Maybe because I'm just looking forward to a nice dinner out. Maybe because I'm leaving for Israel the next day and that's a great way to shake someone if you really need to.

There have been very few things I've been signed onto beyond a one year lease, but writing is one of them. I wish I could tell you how old I was when I started writing about the Island of Many-Colored Ponies, but all I know was that it was WAY before I started dating. In high school I spent as much time scribbling ideas down on napkins as I did doodling my married name in the back of my math notebook. I've turned down invitations just to get the day's writing in. Writing is, for better or worse, has been part of my identity and my future for as long as I can remember.

However, all is not well in our marriage. Times are tough. It's been feeling a bit one-sided lately, like I've been doing all the work and not getting any love back. I'm feeling neglected, ignored, and unappreciated. It's difficult to commit so much of your time and energy to something and see it go nowhere. At the end of my life will I be satisfied with the stack of screenplays in the closet, just to be able to say that I've written? Or will the monument to rejection hurt more than help? I do just fine on my own. I don't need writing. How long would you let yourself love someone without any acknowledgment? And am I taking this metaphor too far?

I know I just wrote about discipline. And I do have a project for V that I will pursue with vigorous commitment to make it the best story I can. But during the last few weeks, if I haven't wanted to write, then I haven't. And I'm going to go to Israel with my dad and my aunt and hope to have a spiritual revelation about life's purpose. I kid. I'm going to go to Israel and hope the Middle East doesn't fall into nuclear war while I'm there. I will be grateful for that divine intervention alone.

Meanwhile, the Hockey Player took me to see Star Wars in 3D this weekend, so I think I'll keep him around for a little longer. On the other hand, he doesn't get his own invitation to my best friend's wedding and I'm holding onto both the Coldplay tickets I won, but if he keeps doing what he's doing, I think his future looks good.

Discipline.

There's something sweet about procrastination.

I've basically had Draft Two of Consideration done for about a week. It needs a good scrubbing, a once over to make sure I've set up all the scenes properly, I've made all the correct changes, and my typos are all cleared up. I just haven't gotten around to it. I printed it off tonight, all 72 pages of it [how did that happen?], and I consider that an accomplishment.

I blame sweatpants. They are a complete motivation suck. Sweatpants, Words with Friends, and Downton Abbey.

I am a complete extremist when it comes to discipline. Either I have a plan and I'm sticking to it, I'm writing every day, turning down invitations from friends. Or -- or I'm not writing. At all.

However, discipline is a huge motivator for me. Not my discipline, obviously, but the discipline of others. Competition is fierce in this industry. And I know that one day I'm going to be up for an assignment against some guy [yes, it will be a guy] who has sacrificed too much so he can spend every free minute writing. And when that time comes, I don't want to be at a disadvantage just because I used to come home and put on sweatpants and Downton Abbey.

I know that I am, if anything, only a moderately talented writer. My biggest talent is my strong desire to be a writer. Writing is a war of attrition -- if I keep writing, I'll keep getting better. It may not be the fastest road -- because you know what? I really LIKE Downton Abbey! -- but sometimes, persistence is more rewarded than aptitude.

One of the highest compliments the Hockey Player ever gave me was that he thought I was fairly obsessive about writing. That glow kept me pushing through the day job and the harsh Michigan went for at least nine hours. But that's all I really have to say on the subject, because I have a 72 page script sitting next to me that needs a decent flaying.

First I am totally checking Twitter. Carson Reeves replied to me, and now I'm completely crushing.

Review.

Michigan's screenwriting program is a hidden gem of the Midwest. I myself would not have known about it if I didn't have friends who already attended Michigan. When I was considering film schools, Michigan came out comparable to NYU and UCLA (at least in regards to screenwriting. Michigan, from what little I experienced as a short on time transfer student, has a great production department as well, and one of my Michigan professors always talked about how Michigan was so much better than his alma mater, USC).

And then the kicker -- Michigan, unlike most of the other schools I was considering, took midyear transfers. Sold and enrolled.

I promise the commercial for Michigan is almost over, but first let me explain the structure of the feature writing classes. Screenwriting I is open to everyone. You are taught structure and format and you write your first script. HALF of you are invited into Screenwriting II. Screenwriting II is a unique class where you're taught to rewrite. You come out with a new draft of your Screenwriting I script. Half of THOSE students are invited into Screenwriting III, a master workshopping class where you write a new script under the mentorship of head of the program. (Side note: I went through all three classes, which makes me feel pretty good about myself. Some people I know when through all three classes and won huge cash awards, which helps me keep my ego in check.)

In a week and a half, V. and I will be presenting Consideration to the Screenwriting II class. Their homework is to take the script, read it, and come back the next weeks with notes. At which point I will sit down at the table, pull out my laptop, and record the tidal wave of notes. Then our homework is to come back the next week to show how we incorporated the notes into our script. It's supposed to get their head in the game for rewriting (which can be a bit of a shock, the first time you're expected to do more than just edit) and it's supposed to give us an opportunity to get input on the script.

I am a little bit nervous about this. One, I know what kind of egos will be a room of 12 screenwriting students who just got into an invitation only class. I know, because I had one of them. Two, because I'm just nervous about showing Consideration to anyone yet.

Maybe that's because I'm not even through the second draft yet, I don't know. But I only wrote one new script since graduation (I was also rewriting other scripts and writing lots of first acts), and I didn't show anyone that until I had written three drafts. And I was going to wait until draft four, but I decided to send it to a friend with my intended changes to see what she thought. That's it.

So to hand off a baby script to a dozen over zealous college students makes me a little nervous. I have a pretty thick skin, but V. has been very patient and maybe I've gotten soft and -- sensitive.

But what really makes me nervous is not the screenwriting students. The head of the screenwriting department teaches that class, so he'll read this draft too. It's the first work of mine that he'll have read in three years. I desperately want to have improved. I'm totally not looking for validation or anything.

I would have liked to wait until draft 3 to show anyone anything, I really would have. But that's not the case, and I am grateful for this opportunity anyway. I'm sure a room of screenwriting students is not unlike a room of executives, so it'll be good practice for getting studio notes in the future. Because I do expect to get a lot of those.

50,109

Oh hello.

The non-stop hellbent ride that is November is over. I have stopped buying sketchy sandwiches from coffee shops, feeling guilty about not working on my script, and exhaustion-based drooling. Thanksgiving was a hit (both in fun and to my word count), so I had to make up 16k words in 3 days. Basically, I'm a winner AND a baller. This novel is a hot mess, but there are some moments and/or characters that I'm fond of, and after I take a break I'm going to attack it with a highlighter, lift the three moments that actually work, and structure something new.

I mean, that's the plan so far.

In the meantime, I have some very specific goals (I outlined day-by-days goal about a week ago, in an attempt to productive to the max. I didn't write for the subsequent two days).

1. Finish the script for V. We are halfway through and I promised the script before Christmas. I'm confident that I can get it done. Every meeting I go into with him I'm expecting to get fired. I don't really know why I feel this way, but I have this mental picture of us sitting down, him looking at the pages quietly, and then saying, "Yeahhhh, this isn't going to work."

But not so! We had a great meeting yesterday, and he's even secured a DP already. Every time I think about him talking to someone about the film, I get a little hyperventilatey-nervous. It makes it super real. It also makes me feel a little bit famous.

2. Rewrite The Exit Strategy over Christmas break. This seems unreasonable when I say it, but I'm going to prep for rewriting all this month, reread the script, figure out the new elements, restructure, replot, reoutline. I have a week and a day off for the holidays, and I can knock through a prepped script that quickly. I think.

3. See some movies. There are some great indie films out that I want to catch, and the holidays are going to bring both popcorn flicks and award nominees. I'm down.

4. Blog about screenwriting more. The novel distraction is over. It's back to work.

Not That I'm Counting--

--but yesterday I had my 13,000 visitor. If you subtract the 3,000 times I've read my own blog since I've started counting four years ago, that's still an impressive 10,000. That's kinda cool. Also, I've just realized I've been blogging for seven years. That's kinda... I'll let you decide.

I've been floundering in the pre-writing for my second draft of The Exit Strategy over the past few weeks. It's tough, this stage. I would so much rather be churning out pages. I felt like I wasn't making much progress in actually restructuring my story. But then yesterday I decided to plot out the emotional journey of my protag, and suddenly I had a malleable structure to work with. Now I'm halfway through my beat sheet, and once that's done, I can start writing again.

I feel like the beat sheet is almost superfulous. I know the story and I'm itching to start writing it, but having every scene plotted out will make the rewrite so much smoother and cleaner. And I do feel that everytime I've gone through my script in prepping for this rewrite, every time I've reread it or note-carded it or plotted it out, I've come up with at least one new idea or gained one new insight into the story or the characters. I hope that all the good ideas make it in to the next draft.

Also, I love this song [though pardon the fan-made music video] --

Thoughts versus Words.

I am not the most productive writer in the world. I can't sit down and write 10,000 words in one sitting like Amanda Hocking can do. I don't sit around my apartment all day in my pajamas plunking away. I don't have a membership to a place like The Office or whatever that private writers' club in LA is. But considering the demands of the rest of my life and the fact that I write by stealing time at coffee shops and bakeries and not in my home office, I think I do ok. I finished a new screenplay draft a couple weeks ago. I'm over 11,000 words in my novel. I sometimes update side projects I'm working on.

However, I'm most productive with my stories when I'm actually writing in them. I think it's because 1. it's easier to monitor your progress. I can know how many words I've written or how many pages I've advanced. I get closer to a defined end goal. And because 2. it's easier to make up stories than it is to analyze them.

After the requisite emotional break from The Exit Strategy, I've pulled it back up to rewrite. The difficulty with rewriting is that you usually need to know what the problems in your story are in order to rewrite them. You have to find problems, come up with a solution, and then implement it. This requires analysis, brainstorming, more clearly defining characters and choices, grappling with your theme, finessing subtext, deeping conflict, manipulating more complexity, coming up with new scenarios only to discard them, figuring out how to set up jokes, constructing set pieces--building up support for your structure at all.

Structure? I think I forgot about that in all the writing.

I can spend my typical hour or two writing just thinking... and have only a couple pages of notes to show for it. It's difficult to believe I'm making progress when I look at my scribbles and find myself just as unsure in my choices as ever. If I'm lucky enough to spot a problem, my solutions are generally vague and not implementable strategies yet.

I.E., I know my opening is weak. My notes are as follows -- "What is the BEST opening possible? What am I trying to set up? The story? The setting? Hazel's character? Hazel's current situation or the absence of her dreams? Her relationship with her family? What is the best set up for the pay off?"

See? I know what the problem is--but I don't even know what the question is.

My favourite note to myself? "This scene needs more punch." What does that even mean? And how am I supposed to make something more "punch-y"? I obviously failed at it the first time around. Did I suddenly get more clever in the past month?

Another note I starred (stars show importance. This is an important note.) -- "How does Hazel's FLAW feed into her PROBLEM?"

Not only do I have to give my protag a flaw and a problem, I have to CORRELATE them.

I'm not good at this part of rewriting, this ethereal staring off into space while I just conjure up brilliant edits to my story. I am, as a 20 year old family Christmas letter prophetically suggested, not a thinker. I am a do-er. It's very hard to believe that all this thinking is writing. It's too unsubstantial for me. And sometimes when I look at my own handwriting all I see are loops and swirls. I get very antsy and want to just go back to the actual page writing.

But I'm trying to make my rewriting process better, more efficient. I'm trying to slow myself down, take time to consider characters and motivation and conflict and set ups and payoffs and theme and subtext. I'm reading scripts in the same genre and might even watch some older classic movies to give me a good grounding in the style I'm trying to acheive. In an ideal world, after one more draft and a polish, I'd be able to start showing this script to people who are better than I am at anaylsis and who can give me real, intelligent notes.

And then I can start rewriting. Again.

Countdown and Celebration.

Ok, I know I've been talking television all week, and we're about to start the most anticipated night of premieres yet [good thoughts tonight to the inventors of the DVR. Do you remember taping shows on VHS? I DO!]. But I think it's fitting, since it's all about television this week, to tell y'all that I've finally got a piece showcase ready. My hour long TV pilot will be going out to dedicated readers as of tonight. This is the first time that I've shown a piece that I am not workshopping. This is the first piece that I've felt is solid enough for some serious feedback. It'll probably get ripped to shreds, but I am ok with that.

So I can, with pride, reassure my devoted parents that I really AM--not just saying that I am--getting writing done while I'm not working. I know you believe me anyway. But now I've got the pages to prove it.

Sell Out

I like to juggle several projects at once. I heard once that if, as a writer, you have to choose between working on the only project you have going and not writing, you'll choose not writing. However, if you have to choose between working on this project or that project or not writing [still], you are much more likely to be productive. With the former you have a 50-50 chance of being productive. With the latter you have a 66-33 chance [or, as HW Guy said, 25-25-50. It's still 50-50. I disagree] of getting something done.

I said the other day that I have an index card with my list of projects taped next to my light switch. There are five projects on that list. I try to work on at least two a day in some capacity.

Blog posts do not count.

Today I reread "Keys to the Garden." As per most writing advice I've ever heard, once I finished Draft #3, I put away the script for a while. It's riddled with holes and inconsistencies and scenes that made me cringe while I was writing. But I put it away and didn't think about it. Since it's been about a month since I celebrated the promise of rewrite #4, I had to take time to reacquaint myself with the story. I took myself to a coffee shop, ordered a mint mocha [because the only way to drink coffee is when it's disguised as something else], and reread the whole script with minimal interruptions.

I tried not to make a lot of notes, or even any judgments. I jotted down a handful of things that I wanted to chance on a legal pad as I went, crossed out a few extraneous words, but for the most part, I just reabsorbed my story. The work of actually wrestling with it will probably start with notecarding [AGAIN] as I rework some plot problems before I cut and edit and delete and rewrite and subtextualize the heck out of those 88 pages.

I love this story. I do. The characters, the dilemma, the eternal good versus evil battle. The mythos, the magic, the pain, the death. It's one of my favourite, if not my favourite, scripts that I've written.

I don't think it'll ever sell.

As I was rereading the script, even as I was rediscovering my attachment to it, I could hear the negative reviews. Predictable plot, simple characters, irrelevant. But I also consider those critiques to be strengths of the script. In a good versus evil story, aren't all your characters in some way simple? This one's good... and this one's evil. The complexities are there, but sometimes I worry the epic battle between good and evil has been disregarded out of hand as passe.

Also it's a pretty spiritual story. Like, really spiritual. If you think the Chronicles of Narnia got some flack...

I adore this story. I know that it's so far from perfect now, that maybe some of my concerns would be solved with more and more rewrites, and I could carry it for years. The current plan is to finish Draft #4, make it polished and pretty, then pass it along to a few people who can give me real writer's notes, friends in the industry, former professors, etc. Let them get back to me with brutal honesty [the kind that writer's notes are famous for]. Read and consider their notes and decide what to do next. But at what point do I make a business decision instead of an artistic decision? At one point do I decide that, even if I don't think the story is irrelevant, it is if no one will read it? How many drafts, hours, mint mochas, until I let it go?

Drop Kick Action.

DRAFT THREE IS FINISHED!

At about 9 pm I realized that I hadn't written yet today, so I picked up my laptop and my cell phone and trudge off to Starbucks [look, I know. It just sorta... happened]. Basically I was just cutting and pasting, because the third act is solid. And why change too much when you know you have ANOTHER draft coming up? An hour later I typed THE END.

Hollywood Guy asked if he could read it, and I said no of course [but, awww, love it :) ]. Soon though, and that feels great. I said maybe after the next draft. Maybe after Draft #4 I can show it to people. I hope.

Either way, I'm getting closer, and it feels delicious.

Call me a quitter, sticks and stones

This picture represents my life the past week - drafting Keys to the Garden and working on my cake decorating class. The cake is my final project for the course. The screenplay is a stack of papers I'd like to burn.

Just kidding.

I decided early this morning that I wasn't going to kill myself over the Nicholl. It's difficult to feel motivated when you wake up feeling like someone woke you up by punching you. All over your body.

Ok, I'm a little disappointed about not being able to finish in time but not much. (1) I'm leaving for a weekend roadtrip tomorrow. So that bumps up the midnight Saturday deadline to early Friday morning. Precious precious hours. (2) I'm finding more problems as I write. Namely that I seem to keep running into the same action sequence. I made some good changes, but it's still going to take some elbow grease to get the new changes ironed out. (3) I never thought I had a shot of winning. I wanted to use this year just to see if I could make it past the first cut. (4) I advanced my draft 35 pages this week alone. From Sunday through Thursday. I'm going to throw out most of the three pages I wrote today, but still I'm happy with the extra shot of motivation.

Here's to keeping it up for the other upcoming competitions.

Unlikely to finish

Though I made great progress today. 11 pages. Lots of new material.

Also, I'm retitling it. No longer "Guardians" or "Keys to the Garden" or anything like that. Now I'm going to call it "Even Angels Swear."

Progress Report

Sunday, I wrote fifteen pages.

Fifteen.

Sometimes, being a binge writer is rewarding. Most of the time it's just frustrating and self-deprecating. But sometimes rewarding.

Yesterday I wrote five. I had modest intentions for yesterday anyway because I had about an hour and a half to write instead of all day and it was all new material. Page thirty-five.

The deadline's Saturday. I'm out of town this weekend. Basically I have to be completely done by Friday morning (notice I did not say Thursday night...). Odds are not in my favour. However, since I'm keeping most of the third act completely intact structurally, I'm crossing my fingers for a speedy finish.

Wednesday I have about zero time as well, so tonight's going to be clutch.

Shortcutting

Rewriting can have some good days. Like the days where you gain five pages by cut and paste. Those are good days.

1 out of 4 ain't bad

I need a bigger desk. I need a desk like Megadesk from the Office. Only without all the paper and printing sales stuff.

Also, my desk chair is broken. It was already pretty crappy to begin with, but now the seat is nearly detached from the base. One screw keeps it in place. One out of four. So the seat swings around all the time and gets unbalanced and sometimes I almost fall off. It's ok. It's a reason to go to IKEA and run around pretending I have a house with two kitchens.

I finished restructuring Keys to the Garden. It still seems completely lopsided, but I don't think I was as detailed with the new beats as I was with the old, so notecarding did not give an accurate portrayal of act breakdowns. I guess I'll just have to write it and see. This is the messy part, but I'll be relieved to actually get to some WRITING in this rewriting process.

I updated my calender of competitions yesterday. Man, are there a lot. I also printed out my Bones spec, but I'm trying to think of another spec to write for competition season. Too many projects. Keys to the Garden, rom com, TV pilot, Bones Spec, secret writing project, doodling novel idea. Someone once gave the advice to always be working on more than one project at once. You'll be more productive. If you have to choose between writing and doing nothing, you'll do nothing. But if you have to choose between writing one project or another, you'll at least get something done.

My dream job opened up. They put out job postings for HBO's Game of Thrones. In Ireland. Stupid work visas (and general lack of experience). I'm applying anyway.

Structure Fail

This is what Keys to the Garden looked like when I originally postnoted it and tacked it up on my wall (at least note that the number of cards/scenes and number of pages are unrelated):


Huge fail. Is Act II actually SHORTER than Act I?

Here's where I went so terribly wrong -- When I wrote the screenplay, I hinged the Act II turning point on a particular beat. However, when notecarding the beats out, I realized that I was completely wrong. The beat that was my former Act II turning point was really just a moment right before the climax. When I posted the beats up on my wall, I separated them into acts based on what are the CORRECT turning points. I had the correct one in there. I was just putting the wrong emphasis on the wrong beat.

I knew Act II had major problems anyway. It is -- obviously -- too short, making the whole story too simplistic. Even when I was notecarding I had my solution. As I've been restructuring it this past week, I've written an entirely new Act IIa. It was actually a pretty simple solution. I had a great backstory for a character which works better -- and is more dramatic -- not as a backstory but current events in Act II that mess with the characters.

I have Act I restructured and re-notecarded. Act II is restructured, awaiting carding. Act III isn't going to change much. The ending was always the ending, and with a hard and fast resolution that I'm not going to change, there're only so many ways you can play with the scenes funneling down to it. But maybe that's where I get stuck sometimes.

Also, this is a great article for anyone interested in writing a rom com. So glad I read it before starting my own.

And, if I can't find someone else who articulates it better than I will before my next post, I'll give my thoughts on Bigelow's Oscar and what it means for women in film.

Go for the Gold

I watched the ice dancing competition last night. Really fantastic. I'd also like to brag a few minutes - two of the three American teams were Michigan students. Six of the eight competing athletes representing USA in this sport.

Davis and White, with some non-Olympic medals. Doesn't he look like Steve Zahn?

As I was watching, I wondered if it was to late to switch careers. The medal ceremony unfolded, and I wistfully thought how amazing it would be to be presented with a shiny gold medal for being outstanding at what you do. To not be mediocre. And then I realized...

Hollywood DOES give out shiny gold awards for being grand!

Someday, you and I will have a date, sir.

Day 4: More note carding. I'm more than halfway through the script, close to Act III.

How I rewrite --

I read through the screenplay again, refamiliarized myself with the script and the notes I already had, took a few more notes. The first rewrite is mostly structural, so I'm not really taking nit-picky notes. I reverse engineer my step outline on 3x5 cards. I then sticky tack it up on the wall and playing around with the structure, rearranging scenes, adding scenes, throwing scenes out. This is the best way I've found to wrap my head around the immensity of an entire screenplay. When I take out a note card, I can see the hole in the structure. I can see when an act is top heavy with scenes. I can identify actions scenes, sub plots, character moments. Structure has to be addressed first, and I find using note cards to be more effective than an electronic document or even a printed step outline.

When I know what the next step is, I'll let you know.

Day 1 - Still Gearing Up

I've always steered away from writing at home. I can never focus. So I tend to take off when it's time to write. I don't know if that's because if you have to get up, leave your house, travel, readjust yourself some place new, and stay there for a while to justify the trip you're more likely to work. Or if it's just a procrastination technique. Dicey.

I'm trying to get over that. Partially because I'm trying to maximize my productivity. Partially because I already spend too much on tea at coffee shops. Previous to this day, the desk in my room has primarily been storage. I really don't have any space in my room, so I tend to toss things like mail, books, and magazines onto my desk. Anything that needs to find a permanent space in my room makes a "temporary" stop at my desk. But today I decided that my desk needed to stop being storage and start being a creative space. So, at the risk of looking like a complete disaster, I'm going to show you before and after pictures.


Ok, so on my desk we had my diploma (seriously, you'd think I'd take better care of that thing. I guess at this point I was just lucky it was in a frame.), birthday gifts, apology notes my second graders wrote me after a particularly bad recess, a Script magazine, and that book about screenwriters that I'll probably never read. All things that are waiting for a permanent spot in my room. I feel like it's like my house's equivalent of the Island of Misfit Toys. Well, I cleaned house, and here's what we ended up with --


My desk still has stuff on it, but it's definitely more organized. The stack by my computer is all notebooks, screenplay pages, and legal pads. Sometimes I can be very productive. The pictures I put up are just because I think I'll be more productive if I can converse with real Hollywood types. Ok, I'm not that far gone yet. I'm trying to play on my visual side. The pictures are the actors I could see playing the characters I write (I know, there are huge debates about writing for a specific actor. I'm really going for physical similarities.). The pictures under the cork board are for my tv pilot, and the pictures beside the Empire poster are for Keys to the Garden. And look, I got my diploma up.

I worked at my refurbished desk today. I didn't do much (so creatively drained from redecorating), but I think the changes will actually encourage working at home. I read through the first half of Keys to the Garden and took some notes. Before I can really get to rewriting, I need to refamiliarize myself with this story. It's been about 9 months since I finished the first draft. There are some choices I made that I'm hazing on what my thought process was. On one hand, this makes me nervous. How out of touch with my story am I? On the other hand, if I can't remember my reasoning or motivation for a certain choice, than maybe it wasn't a strong one. Maybe my eyes will be more analytical and objective. Altogether, tackling this second draft is a daunting task. I've only done a rewrite this extensive on a full length piece once, and that was for our rewrite class at Michigan. This time, instead of having a full class of peers, an easily accesible professor, and a course syllabus, I have a handful of notes given to me about a year ago, half of which will probably become irrelevant once I complete the deep structural changes. It reminds me of this Sorkin quote --

"It says...'I'm not your agent, and I'm not your mommy. I'm a white piece of paper, you want to dance with me?' And I really, really don't."

Somehow, I think he manages to conquer his reluctance anyway.