D is for Date Night. Disillusionment and Disaster.

The other day my dear friend K. informed me that she had started reading my blog. Another one of my lovable friends perked up, interested in suddenly getting a deep scoop on my life. I turned to K. and said, "It's mostly about writing and working in film. I don't really talk about my personal life, do I?" She said, "Well, you sorta do."

I haven't in a while, so I thought I'd expound on my personal life unnecessarily.

Man, this was not a kind weekend for your poor fearless single girl from the wrong part of town [I don't really live in the wrong part of town. That just seemed like the best way to end the sentence. I kept trying to think of a better ending, and this is what I kept coming up with]. To be honest, I'm always AMAZED at how many people are in relationships. The odds of getting two people to like each other enough to out-of-hand sight-unseen rule out being with anyone else is mind boggling enough -- but you also have to get them to that point at the same time.

For the first time, I've started thinking about being a little more intentional in my dating life. For the past several years, I've been way more laissez-faire about it. Whatever happens happens. It worked pretty well. But I'm definitely thinking about changing my approach. Maybe it's the fact that my 25th birthday is approaching, and I'm way weirded out by that. In my personal life plan, the "get settled down" part should happen in the next five years. If I look back on the last five years of my life, that suddenly doesn't seem like a lot of time. [On the flip side of this, sometimes I worry about the way some people seem to decide to marry a person just because they've gotten to that point in their life time line when they think they want to be married. Just because you're with someone and you're thinking "Man, I'm getting old. Maybe I should get married" doesn't mean that you should. I'm not crazy like that].

In my new, more thoughtful approach to dating, I've come up with three obstacles that need to be overcome--

1. Meeting new people. This is way harder than it sounds. Especially after you're out of school in "the real world." I was talking with a friend from the film I shot in July about his friendship with another girl from the set. He said, "Look, I just like to keep things professional." [Also, we were no longer working on that set, obviously. Months afterward.] I told him, in all my world weary wisdom, that now we're real people working real jobs, work is where we're going to meet people, so you can't rule out someone just on the basis that you worked with them once or might again. He said, "That sounds like something Hollywood Guy told you." He did not. But he agrees with me.

2. These people not being weird. Or, not even not weird. Just meeting someone and thinking you could spend lots of fun time with them. I gauge my interest in a guy by the end of the first date--what did I want as I was walking away? Did I secretly want to spend more time with him or did I want to go do something else? Back when I was in Jersey I went on this one date, and as I left the restaurant I called Firefighter Friend to see if he could hang out that night. Seemed pretty clear that I was not interested in a second date. But, I never heard from the guy I went out with, which leads me to...

3. Having equivalent feelings for each other at the same time. Timing's like the wicked step-mother of relationships. That's all.

To me, these are the three major hurdles to a relationship. And this weekend, I attempted to jump over each of them and instead ran straight into every single one. I wasn't at all upset. Dating is all about taking risks. And luckily your investment level in a person is pretty low until you run into obstacle #3. And honestly, for the most part I like being single. I know that some day I want to settle down, but for now it's a good thing. I do what I want. I go out with who I want, I don't have to deal with any awful nit-picky fights because both of us were grumpy at the same time, I don't have to try to make my life plan match someone else's. The other day I asked my friend if she wanted to do something later that night. She said, "Sounds good, but let me just check with my boyfriend." It seems like such a strange concept to me now, checking in with someone else before you make plans for yourself--even just for the night. But being single takes stamina, and all you couple-y people should appreciate the leisure track that you're on.

Future Plans

Last week, the Librarian read my students a book about wombats. Since most of my second graders don't know what the Australian creature is like, he started off with a description. "Wombats," he said, "are small, hairy bear-like creatures that are actually pretty friendly. They'll walk up to humans, let you pet them and feed them. However, after about a month or so they get bored. Just when you think you're starting to get to know the wombat, starting to develop a relationship and have a bond, he'll just wander off." Then he told the students they would take a test to see if they were wombats. I passed the test. Several of the boys I've gone out with would not.

So please be advised -- one day, Best Friend D and I will write a hilarious book on disastrous relationships. It will be called "XXX: and other secrets for getting the wrong guy." I can't tell you the real title. I'm not cool enough to be that unPC in public yet.

Strong, weak, we're not even that picky.

There are some interesting posts on women in film that have been going around the blogosphere lately. I find this whole sphere of theory interesting, but instead of writing anything of my own, I'm going to be lazy and just give you some links.

I like this article, "Why Strong Female Characters are Bad for Women."

John August has a great post on the Bechdel Test:



In my mind, the Bechdel Test is not only interesting in of itself, but also in looking at it in reverse. How rarely do you find a film with two named female characters who talk to each other about something other than men? On the OTHER hand, how often do you find a film with two named male characters who talk to each other about something other than women? In runs the two extremes. On the women's side, movies barely manage to meet these requirements, whereas nearly EVERY movie meets the requirements if they're applied to male characters.

You know what really starts to bend my mind? When I start comparing these requirements and theories to my own screenplays. Yikes. Even as a female screenwriting, sometimes I suck at getting a woman's voice out there. Just yesterday I was doodling out ideas for a children's story, and I instinctively made the main character male. Why is my go-to character male?

I could start listing reasons why, and they WOULD be interesting and thought-provoking. But then you'll be listening to a liberated woman from the 70s, and you didn't come here to see that.

You know...

...things are taking a downward turn when "Bad Romance" actually makes you think of someone.

Why not to throw rocks inside the house

Boys should come with a relationship equivalent to Carfax reports.



You change your mind
Like a girl changes clothes
Yeah you, PMS
Like a chick
I would know

And you
Over-think
Always speak
Cryptically

I should know
That you're no good for me

Cause you're hot then you're cold
You're yes then you're no
You're in and you're out
You're up and you're down

You're wrong when it's right
It's black and it's white
We fight, we break up
We kiss, we make up

You!
You don't really want to stay, no
You!
But you don't really want to go-oh

You're hot then you're cold
You're yes then you're no
You're in and you're out
You're up and you're down

We used to be
Just like twins
So in sync
The same energy
Now's a dead battery

Used to laugh
Bout nothing
Now your plain
Boring

I should know
you're not gonna change

Cause you're hot then you're cold
You're yes then you're no
You're in and you're out
You're up and you're down

You're wrong when it's right
It's black and it's white
We fight, we break up
We kiss, we make up

You!
You don't really want to stay, no
You!
But you don't really want to go-oh

You're hot then you're cold
You're yes then you're no
You're in and you're out
You're up and you're down

Someone call the doctor
Got a case of a love bi-polar
Stuck on a roller coaster
Can't get it off this ride

You change your mind
Like a girl changes clothes

Cause you're hot then you're cold
You're yes then you're no
You're in and you're out
You're up and you're down

You're wrong when it's right
It's black and it's white
We fight, we break up
We kiss, we make up

You're hot then you're cold
You're yes then you're no
You're in and you're out
You're up and you're down

You're wrong when it's right
It's black and it's white
We fight, we break up
We kiss, we make up

You!
You don't really want to stay, no
You!
But you don't really want to go-oh

You're hot then you're cold
You're yes then you're no
You're in and you're out
You're up and you're down

- "Hot N Cold" by Katy Perry

Women in Film: Bridget Jones

I've been puttering through "Reading Lolita in Tehran" by Azar Nafisi for a while now. It's a really interesting memoir on life in Iran and I'd recommend it to anyone, even though I'm not finished with it. However, what I have to say has nothing to do with life in Tehran.

Nafisi was commenting on one of her literature classes in which they discussed Washington Square's heroine Catherine Sloper. Nafisi writes that "She is the inverse of our ideas of what a heroine should be: hefty, healthy, plain, dull, literate and honest... James strips away from Catherine the qualities that make a heroine attractive; what he takes away from her he distributes among the other three characters." I have a lot to say on women in film, and this analysis brought to mind a question I've had for a while now -- Who is a heroine? What is she made of? What qualities does she have? What does she want? What makes her different than a hero?

The definition of a heroine in literature is difficult enough, but I would argue that film has a more difficult time not only in defining their heroines, but in having heroines. Female characters are often functions of the plot, created to entice audience demographics, or simply romantic distractions.

Which brings me to Bridget Jones.

Bridget Jones. I love Bridget Jones. And while Bridget Jones is a modern take on Pride and Prejudice, Bridget Jones and Elizabeth Bennett are quite different characters. When I read Nafisi's description of Catherine Sloper, hefty, plain, dull, honest, the "ugly" heroine, I thought of Bridget Jones. She is very similar to Catherine. She is plump, stuck in a frustrating job, alone with a destructive fixation on a complete jerk, awkward, bumbling, and very unspecial. Bridget Jones is not Kate Beckinsale or Angelina Jolie because she is not the male fantasy character. She is a real heroine who is accepted with all her mundane qualities. Darcy likes her, just as she is.

I find Bridget Jones to be a satisfying heroine not only because of her realistic protrayl and the refusal to Barbie-fy her but also because of the way she deals with her life situations, not the least of which is her mangled love life. Bridget learns she has to either accept her life situations or commit to improving them, that it's not use wallowing but it's not use pretending to be someone she's not, either. When Bridget is interviewing for a new job in television, she botches every interview where she tries to appear more informed or passionate than she really is. But when she is honest about the reason she's looking for a new job, she finally scores it.

How a character handles the ever present problem of love is a large indicator of whether or not she is a true heroine. "Women's pictures" have often been criticized or mocked because they focus so much on love. Well most of life does too, so I'm perfectly content with that. However, I am critical of characters who find their happiness in love, especially when finally getting together with that special someone sweeps away all other problems. Well, if that special someone was Colin Firth, maybe I would feel the same way. But I love the scene where skeezy Daniel Cleaver has come back and got into a terribly awesome street fight with Darcy and he tells Bridget he wants her back, that if he couldn't make it with her how could he make it with anyone. And Bridget, even though she's been mad about this guy for ages, has enough self respect and courage to tell him that's not good enough. Just because Bridget Jones is an average girl doesn't mean she settles for an average (below average, really) man. In the end, she's the one who stands up and in all her awkward glory chooses Darcy, right in the middle of his parents' ruby wedding anniversary and his engagement announcement. Like Shawna recently expounded on in her blog, the heroine calls the shots. Bridget Jones definitely learns to call all her shots in her story and she does it her own way.

I love Bridget Jones. It's one of my go-to movies. And it's a bit of wish fulfillment, I know that. Watching this movie will be the closest I ever get to Colin Firth. But it's realistic wish fulfillment, if there's any such thing. I can't be many of the women in film these days. But I can be Bridget Jones, the woman who takes on life and falls in love, just the way she is.

I'll be Marie Antionette... only without the sad ending.

Last weekend one of our good friends had a birthday, and while he insisted he was going to buy his birthday cake from a bakery, D. and I protested that that was ridiculous, that we would bake him one. We are quite decent bakers and find any refusal of our baked goods as an affront on our domestic goddess-ness (that is clearly, er, in development).

He was set on Red Velvet. We used this recipe, from Smitten Kitchen, the same website from which my sister made this torte for my birthday which I made for G.'s birthday. It's one of my favourite websites for fancy desserts. While we were making his cake, we realized something about boys.

It's a well known saying that the way to a man's heart is through his stomach, but when it comes to cake, boys seem to have a very specific kind they like. A friend from high school's favourite was German Chocolate, A. was way too excited about his Red Velvet cake (though ours *did* turn out exceptional), and C. and G. agreed Pineapple Upside Down cake was their choice. D. and I don't have this sort of dedication to one particular cake. Cake is cake, and while I do prefer certain types (mmm, vanilla frosting), all cake is good.

Next on my list of kitchen capers? Just what my friends ask for.

It's got a special sort of sound

We're dog sitting a beagle this week. He's really cute, albeit a little sedate (I want a huge, hyper dog when I finally have time and money to take care of one). I think my dad likes him most of all.

I have this great rolly chair in my room. I love it. I've been shooting myself from my desk to my light switch, which is a grand total of six feet and yet is the longest distance I can go. The chair is also old and disproportionately weighted, so I never go in a straight path. Unfortunately, my mom just pointed out that it's old and gross wheels have been making marks all over my floor. Which means I have to stop sliding around all over the place and stay on the carpet right in front of my desk.

I recently named a character Karlsbad Wonkite. Doesn't that just sound like fun? Wonkite has to change, of course, but I might keep the Karlsbad.

Now that I have a desk in my room I finally have a place for my typewriter. It's a little difficult to write screenplays on a typewriter, because of the format, but I've been using it the past couple of days to write out notes. We're getting our bathroom redone, you know, and I was heading downstairs this morning when one of the workers said he was surprised to hear the typewriter from my room.

I've seen a lot of great movies and had some interesting theatre experiences recently that I anticipate talking about, but not right now. I am clearly unfocused tonight.

It's one of my blog goals to be mentioned on Mystery Man's Screenwriting News and Links one week.

Instead, I'm going to mention links I found on other blogs, specifically about women in Hollywood. You may not *be* a woman, but chances are you work with one or are trying to sell a movie to several hundred thousand. Here's one Amanda put up about Sexism in the City. But I really like this one about women working in Hollywood (I don't remember which blog I found this link on, sorry!). Real influential women in the industry talk about how "Knocked Up" fails female wish fulfillment, how hard it is to make a movie with female leads who aren't romantic leads, and - most interesting to me - how a male producer can excuse himself from a meeting to take care of a child's ear infection to admiration, but the same action by a woman would be viewed very differently.

Ka-Pow!

When I was younger, I wanted to take karate lessons. You know how some little girls wanted to be poofy dresses and some girls wanted to wear overalls and play baseball with the boys? Basically, I wanted to be the butt-kicking princess. I forget why, but my parents didn't want me to take karate lessons. Maybe they knew how dangerous I could be... Well, I came back from a break at college, and the boys were taking karate lessons - with dad! Let me tell you, I've been ruminating on gender theories for a couple of weeks now, and there will be a post about it.

I really thought I was getting over some of my more clumsy attributes, but an orange juice and a white skirt would disagree.

I finished the divorce party short. It needs quite a lot of help, still, but the rough is done. My friends suggested a happy ending, and I thought about it, I really did, but with the themes of second thoughts and consequences just wouldn't work as well then. Sorry, girls. Two days of work on Whatever You Ask has brought me up to a word count of 4703, and I'm pretty determined to aim for 5000 before I go to sleep. Friends did just come on, but I think it's a rerun. Well, obviously it's a rerun...

Only a week and a half of my temp job left, yay! I've been seeing our shopping carts in all the weirdest places.

I'm about ready to finish Act I of Whatever You Ask, so those extra 300 words should roll easily. I was worried about falling into cliches in Act I, but I've managed to either reasonably disguise them when they appear. My dialog hasn't been as snappy as I had hoped, and I'm not nailing the playa character quite so well. Is that because I haven't met enough guys who actually can flirt well or because I'm not so good at playing the game myself anymore? I'd like to say it's the former, but I'm not sure I even care.

Number of times I've listened to Joshua Radin/Jack's Mannequin/Mat Kearney songs I've listened to over again? Who's bothering to keep track?