Another kind of deadline

Last week we got our contracts for next year. We're supposed to have them returned by Friday.

So now a decision I've been pondering and rationalizing and hypothesizing about for the past three months has to be made in three days. I like to think I'm closer to figuring out what happens next.

I used to think that, for a change, I'd like to take the easy way out for a while. But every single one of my options is a mixture of pros and cons. There is no right answer, which is both liberating and terrifying. The most difficult part is making the choice. Once a course of action has been plotted, it's just a matter of how you make it work, not whether you will make it work. So whatever amount of gumption I have, I have to get it together by the end of this week.

A 2 Cupcake Kinda Day

It feels like there're fireworks going off in my brain. I feel like I might have at one point had a topic for this post, but my seizing histamines are clouding my thought processes. I hope it's allergies because (1) I refuse to let myself get sick from any of my students and (2) it means that warm weather is coming. I definitely have been feeling the affects of cabin fever these past few weeks.

I am 90% sure what I'm doing come the end of June. The other 10% is reserved for various miracles.

My classroom teacher is confusing our students by telling them that I'm a writer/author. They don't understand the word "aspiring" yet. They keep asking me what the title of my book is. I was going to bring in my stacks and stacks of stories to show them, but I think they might get even more confused if I show them the books I got for free from LuLu for finishing NaNoWriMo. The business side of publishing and self publishing might be a little over their heads.

I have rewritten the opening for my secret writing project three times now. I think I finally have something that works. Which, you know, I cannot share at this particular moment...

Oh man, I had the craziest dream earlier this week. I woke up and wrote it down immediately so I could make it into a story. I don't think that's ever happened to me before. I have pretty vivid dreams, but nothing that's jumped out to me before with inherent dramatic characteristics. Unfortunately, I think the best format for this story would be fiction, and I am so out of practice there. Maybe NaNoWriMo this year. Regardless, it's about fifth on my priority list.

ABC and Cablevision, can you please work out your issues so that I can actually watch the Oscars. Though if you don't, at least I'll have a valid excuse for not seeing them this year.

Also, George R.R. Martin's Game of Thrones was picked up by HBO. Am super psyched. Won't start airing until next year, but I will definitely be upgrading my cable plan to include HBO now.

Michigan's campus during February, snowy streets, primitive forms of transportation, students strewn everywhere. Or a still from the opening scene of Game of Thrones.

Lipstick Jungle

Dude.

I had a rough day at work yesterday. And the weird thing is, it didn't really happen until after 3:00.

Let's just say there's a hot button issue at work right now. On the two sides of the issue, I happen to be in the minority group. And everyone knows because at a meeting one day I very publicly and very articulately expressed my concerns with the majority. Well, apparently I've become the occasionally leisure topic. Kinda weird, finding out people are talking about you and not to you. Kinda weird, not being able to ask questions and investigate (which could, you know, change my mind) because of the simple fact that I'm already suspicious to the majority. I was so perturbed that I ate a bowl of ice cream, not even because I wanted it, but because I desperately hoped that the influx of chocolate would work its emotional magic.

Anyway, today wasn't so bad, and people don't really worry me because the people I work closely with understand where I'm coming from, I think. But it's given me a lot to think about, the juxtaposition being standing up for yourself against keeping your head down and going with the flow. Is the likelihood of change alter the worth of the risk? Do you stand up for yourself on principle, or do you only risk it when it might actually make a difference? What does that say about your character?

I've been bold in a couple situations over the past week or so, and none have turned out exactly rosy. But the same reason that convinced me to stand up at the meeting in the first place still convinces me that I've been making the right choices. I'm setting precedents for myself. If I hadn't of stood up in front of a hundred or so people and publicly branded myself as unpopular, maybe I wouldn't of had the guts to demand more respect in my relationships this past week. It was terrifying, and my legs were actually shaking and I talked too fast, but I think it made me different than the girl who could have just sat back and let all her frustrations and questions go unanswered as the few bold minority got pounded. So talk away, people.

Just make sure I have some Scrubs reruns and a pint of ice cream.

Illogical. I would never run a race.

Last night I dreamt that I missed running in a race with my best friend because I had spent 8 consecutive hours reading 700 pages of a mammoth version of Lolita. There was also a charter bus involved somehow.

If someone can explain...

I've started to think about this summer and all after. Actually, I've moved beyond thinking about it to being practical about it. I'm moving by the end of the summer. At least moving out of my parents' house. My philosophy towards moving is that it's better to move some place where I already have relationships. Not because I have a problem with making new friends but because now I am too popular and don't feel like adding anymore Mike's or Jessica's to my phone book (I have at least 6 Mike's already). Really, though, I think our relationships are pretty much the most important thing in our lives and maybe we should stop making career driven moves and instead make friend driven moves. Don't get me wrong - I plan to uproot and spend several years pingponging across the country and maybe the world. I just feel that people are a more important factor than typically given credit as being. With that philosophy, there are now only two real places for me to be next year, here in Jersey or back in Michigan.

Michigan is cold.

I'm not ruling a return out of the picture, but as it happens, I have two job leads here in New Jersey. And one of my defining qualities is that I hate job searching. Really, I've been thinking about a list of things I hate, and I had about three, and now I have four. Well, actually, I can only remember two of the original three, so I guess I'm... still at three.

I put my resume in with one of these jobs tonight. I should have the other one in by the end of the week. It's weird, because it's only January, and the plan is not to be unemployed again until classes end in June (teacher aide jobs are not guaranteed year to year, though I believe it's the sort of hierarchy where seniority is a bonus). If I have to make a decision now, there are still a lot of months left until that decision will be implemented. And if I make a decision to pursue a certain job now, what about the opportunities that will open themselves up in between?

Still, it's nice to already have leads. And both leads are jobs I'd be interested in. And it would be nice if I had to do no more than follow these two through to June.

Also, job searching takes time away from the last two seasons of Alias. I can't imagine what sort of withdrawal I'm going to go through when I finish.

Well the truth is

One of the employees at the coffee shop down the street from school recognized me today. It only took going there twice a day for a week. I think he might be the owner. I hope this translates into good things for me. For instance, today the barista bumped my tea up a size. Was it good karma, flirting, or just slacking on his part? I'll draw my own conclusions.

Since I finally have a paying job I've made a plethora of travel plans - though technically, I've yet to receive a check from this paying job. Back to my favourite US cold spot in a few weeks and an epic Las Vegas/LA trip with best friend for New Year's. There are also rumors of spring break plans (um, I get TWO spring breaks. That's right. I mean, the elementary school kids need breaks to relax from the stress, you know?).

Here's the thing -- screenwriting has been so slow. I think the polish is the worst draft ever. When I was a student, I rarely proofread my work. I hated it. One draft, written the night before, here ya go, Prof, it's an easy A. I've finished making the hard copy notes, but now I have to go through it AGAIN and actually make the changes. Also, my Act IV is about six pages too short. Which means writing more scenes. Creative energy, where are you? Also, I have to change some character names. They are just bulky and awkward. Changing names at the polish draft is bulky and awkward too.

I thought the polish would be over by now. So I'm giving myself another deadline. Saturday. It will be in the (e)mail by Saturday.

And yes, I do have a favourite student. :)

I like car-dancing to Sean Kingston's "Replay"

Today was my first day at the day job. I'm working as a teacher's aide for a second grade classroom. It's crazy and a little overwhelming, but I think I'm going to like it. Everyone I've met so far has been really great. It reminds me of camp in a lot of ways. Our children line up in classrooms before school, once we're inside we say the pledge and sing a patriotic song, and the teacher raised her hand for quiet. It made a good first impression on me.

I had three different Michigan experiences today. The first (and I think the most awesome) was when I saw one of the other second graders (not in my class, sadly) with Michigan 'M' face tattoos on both her cheeks. She is being well trained. The second was a University of Michigan decal on a car. And the third was when I was at Starbucks and I inadvertently saw the wallet of the guy I was behind of in line. He had a Michigan student ID card. (So of course I asked him if he was an alumni and then had to awkwardly defend any assumptions that I was a creeper because I was looking at his wallet.)

Finished Act III of the pilot rewrite. I have until Friday to write Act IV (which requires the most actual rewriting, of course), I'll take a day or two to make minor alterations and polish it up, and by next week it should be read-ready. I also implicated myself into a script swap in about a month with a former screenwriting professor. That's great because it'll give me a hard deadline to work towards. But I'm going to have to jump on that as soon as I'm done with this draft of the pilot, and I haven't even decided which script I want to pursue.

Also, I saw a guy bike riding on route 17 tonight. Anyone from Jersey knows how ridiculously insane that is.