Tuesday, January 31, 2006

Oh, I see...

I've realized why leaving Anderson is becoming hard for me to want to go through with now. My family has always been and will always be there; I'm still friends with the people from high school that really mattered to me. But this spring, for the first time in my life, I'm leaving people that I really care about and really love, knowing that the relationships inevitably, sadly, won't be able to last.

I miss that town
I miss their faces
You can’t erase
You can’t replace it

I miss it now
I can't believe it
So hard to stay
Too hard to leave it

If I could relive those days
I know the one thing that would never change

Every memory of looking out the back door
I had the photo album spread out on my bedroom floor
It’s hard to say it
Time to say it
Goodbye, Goodbye

Every memory of walking out the front door
I found the photo of the friend that I was looking for
It's hard to say it
It’s time to say it
Goodbye, Goodbye

Look at this photograph
Every time I do it makes me laugh
Every time I do it makes me.

"Photograph" by Nickelback

Friday, January 27, 2006

A Frightening Line of Thought


Apparently, religious conviction is now considered a crime. Perhaps someday, conviction of anything will be.

Friday, January 20, 2006

Pining for the Skyscrapers


American Cities That Best Fit You:

60% Atlanta

60% Chicago

55% Honolulu

55% New York City

55% Philadelphia

Hmm, I never thought about Honolulu...

Thursday, January 19, 2006

Hitting the Fan

We're a week and a half into our spring semester here at Anderson. I've got some interesting classes and some not so interesting ones, but over all, I think it's going to be good. I'm working at the radio station - you might here me making Public Service Announcments! - mostly writing PSAs and commercials. I got invited into the English Honors society Sigma Tau Delta, which will look good on my college applications. Heather and I started on our screenplay, which I'm really excited about - though she made me say I hated it so that when we're on Oprah and Letterman she can always refer back to when I said I hated it. My friend Liz is practically engaged. They bought the ring, but he hasn't proposed yet. It's crazy. I'm doing terribly on my writing goals. I suck. But the Underground is going pretty well. We got through our second issue, which is always the hardest, and I'm getting a lot of good feedback for the third and fourth issues. There's not too many left before I leave.

It's hitting me more and more that this is my LAST semester here. And it's not like I'm graduating or anything, which kinda makes it worse, like I'm killing something prematurely. This is really weird. I'm going to start talking about my feelings on my blog. Right, so.

I'm starting to feel really detached from everything going on here at Anderson. From work, from school sometimes, from my friends. It's weird. Everything's going to keep going on the same once I leave, and the people that I still should be friends with and living with and growing with are going to do that - without me. It's really a lonely feeling. And I'm not sure I'm going on to anything biger and better. Honestly, I have no idea what I'm going to do next year. I don't know where I'm going to go - I don't even have a definitely list of places I'm applying to yet - sometimes, I think I don't even want to go to school next year. I'm getting so fed up with the Midwest. There's nothing to do, and no one wants to do anything. People are me don't want to change; they don't want anything at all. I want so many things. I want to shoot an independent film, I want to go back packing in New Zealand, I want to have a real relationship with my sister, I want to have a snowball fight for real, I want to get into SFWA, I want to live in France, I want to learn another language fluently, I want to paint, I want to find someone for the Underground who'll take care of it, I want to go to a dance club, I want to write a good novel, I want to spend Saturday mornings being lazy watching tv and movies with my husband, I want to have a library, I want to go to a Killers concert, I want ruby red slippers like Dorthy's, I want to act in A Midsummer Night's Dream, I want to go to the Oscars, I want to learn how to love people better, I want to love God better, I want to never stop growing and wanting things.

I want to leave campus tomorrow and start life over somewhere else.

Words of wisdom from Oasis that kinda capture perfectly how I feel:

"All of the stars have faded away.
Try not to worry you'll see them someday.
Take what you need and be on your way-

And stop crying your heart out."

Wednesday, January 18, 2006

Stolen from Lorelei

Your love is... by ChibiMarronchan
Your name is...
Your kiss is...breath taking
Your hugs are...to die for
Your eyes...twinkle in the moonlight
Your touch is...irresistable
Your smell is...beautiful
Your smile is...entrancing
Your love is...everlasting
Quiz created with MemeGen!

Tuesday, January 17, 2006

Anderson Underground, II

The second issue of the Anderson Underground is finally up! As our sophomore attempt, I was a little nervous, and this issue has half the number of articles as the first - but only two fewer pages - but still I think there are some good things in there. I'm just glad we got through the second issue. Take two is always the hardest. I have high hopes for our Febraury issue too. It's got a theme.

On another note, I got everything uploaded for my free NaNo novel! I'm excited. It looks great, and it should be here within the next month, if not sooner. I expect it's going to take a while because I got it in the day before the deadline, which is when I'm sure they had a big rush.

There's someone taking pictures in the computer lab. It's distracting.

I'm doing terribly on my writing goals. I've already missed two days, I think, of my 300 words, if not three days. And most of the days are me complaining about how I have nothing to write. I'm supposed to write 2 short stories this month, and I haven't written 1,000 words of one yet.

Still, things are going all right. I hit the beginning of the second semester with as much craziness as there was at the end of last semester - so I don't even want to think of what the end of this semester is going to look like! Still, being busy is better than being idle, I guess.

Great little gadget: the Gender Genie. It'll tell if your writing is masculine or feminine. The two things I've tried it on so far were both masculine, which amuses me.

Thursday, January 12, 2006

Back in the Game

After the dull and relaxing boriness of break, it's nice to be back at school and, well, doing things. In the next week or so, the second issue of the Anderson Underground goes live, and I get everything uploaded and submitted for my free copy of my NaNo novel from LuLu. Both are very exciting and getting ready for that will keep me busy. I just submitted two columns to the Sword Review, which'll be my first ones in a while, probably since the end of summer. I'm working my way back into my responsibilites there. I took a haitus of sorts last semester when things got to busy, but now I'm going to re-establish myself and start pulling my weight again.

As for a year long writing plan, I've decided on making my own. I'm writing 300 words a day, even if they're crappy stream of conscious about how blocked I am and how frustrated I am - which is most of what it's been so far. I've broken up the year into trimesters, and each trimester I devote one month to a novel, one to a screenplay or stage play, and two to two short stories. This month is supposed to be short stories, but I've just started on my first a couple of days ago. I just haven't had any ideas that I've loved - really, I haven't had many ideas that are more than a picture in my mind, waiting for some sort of development that I'm clueless about how to pursue. But if this plan works, by the end of the year I will have 3 novels, 3 scripts, and 12 short stories, all crappy first drafts that I can spend the next year re working and editing. Because, unlike NaNo, these are all supposed to be written as if I plan on publishing them someday.

So that's my weekly goals and my year goals. As for my long long term goals, I've decided that I want to be an active member of Science Fiction and Fantasy Writers of America before I graduate from college. Which means I have to sell three short stories to pro markets.

I do love a good challenge.