Whew.

I wrote the last scene to my screenplay tonight. I wrote "the end." I only wrote one ending, and I think that's all I need.

I'm writing the last scene of my screenplay. It's a weird feeling. I've been working on it for two months and all of a sudden, oh, here's the end. The thing is, I can't end it. And it's not because of some weird writer subconcious psycho problem about cutting themselves off of their stories and their characters. It's not a withdrawal thing, because once I finish I'll put it away for about a week or so and then pull it back out to start on the rewrites. It's just that I don't know how it ends. It's the last scene, and I have my two protagonists there, and the question that's been hanging around for the past two months is still hanging in the air - do they end up together? The thing is, the story and I disagree. I want it to end one way, but the story tells me it can't possible end any other way than the opposite of what I want. And I'm pretty adament. I am, after all, the author; I'm supposed to be in charge, and I have a certain point I want to make. But it just doesn't work logically. And it doesn't work with the story. I just haven't settled this question in life, so it's hard for me to settle it in a story. I have my answer, I know how it's supposed to end, but I'm too cynical to let it happen easily.

Maybe I will stop blaming it on my cynicism and blame it instead on writer psychosis.

Still a little bit of your taste in my mouth
Still a little bit of you laced with my doubt
Still a little harder to say what's going on

Still a little bit of your ghost your weakness
Still a little bit of your face I haven't kissed
You step a little closer each day
That I can't say what's going on

Stones taught me to fly
Love taught me to lie
Lifetaught me to die
So it's not hard to fall
When you float like a cannonball

Still a little bit of your song in my ear
Still a little bit of your words I long to hear
You step a little closer to me
So close that I can't see what's going on

Stones taught me to fly
Love taught me to lie
Life taught me to die
So it's not hard to fall
When you float like a cannon

Stones taught me to fly
Love taught me to cry
So come on courage!
Teach me to be shy
'Cause it's not hard to fall
And I don't wanna scare her
It's not hard to fall
And I don't wanna lose
It's not hard to grow
When you know that you just don't know

- "Cannonball," Damien Rice

When we grow up, we're not going to be able to say things like "I'll close *your* account" or "Your face is a cheesy movie" or make dorky lighting designer jokes (actually, we'll probably keep going with those) or be nearly as funny as they are on Friends. I hope we get to make other jokes.

"Being an adult means to have a speedometer that marks 210 and not driving over 60." - Love Me If You Dare

I have my NaNoWriMo idea for November.

Wish I had what I needed
To be on my own
Cause I feel so defeated
And I’m feeling alone
And it all seems so helpless
And I have no plans
I’m a plane in the sunset
With no where to land
And all I see
It could never make me happy
And all my sandcastles
Spend their time collapsing

Let me know that you hear me
Let me know your touch
Let me know that you love me
Let that be enough

It’s my birthday tomorrow
No one here could know
I was born this thursday
Twenty-two years ago
And I feel stuck watching history repeating
Oh am I just a kid who knows he’s needy?

Let me know that you hear me
Let me know your touch
Let me know that you love me
Let that be enough

Let me know that you hear me
Let me know your touch
Let me know that you love me
Let that be enough

Things I've learned while being in England

I've now been in England three months, halfway through my stay here, and I've learned a lot, and I thought I would generously share my wisdom:


1. Always change money in the airport you depart from.

2. Even though that piece of wood looks immobile and innocent, things get dangerous when you go over it with a lawn mower.

3. Even though your happiness should not depend on other people, other people do affect your happiness.

4. England doesn't live up to its cold damp stereotype.

5. Some of the nicest places are in the middle of nowhere.

6. I can live anywhere on the coast.

7. People are more important than careers.

8. I do not have to have children if I don't want to.

9. I do want to have children.

10. I do not want an au pair.

11. The best places to write are in pubs. Too bad they are also the most intimidating places to walk into alone.

12. Ironing and cooking are a waste of time. They should be done only with company.

13. America has a beautiful culture.

14. It's not so much having a home to go back to, it's having someone to go with you when you're gone.

15. Priceline.com is not as brilliant as it appears.

16. I still spend too much of my time looking forward.

17. Your career is important.

18. Loving people is hard. Sometimes, so is hating them.

19. David Beckham is way too good for Posh Spice.

20. The French play dirty football. French people, however, are splendid.

21. Duvets are a smart idea.

22. Words like "brilliant," "posh," "cheeky," and "cheers" should be used more often.

23. I should never end a story when two people are making each other happy without acknowledging that they will at some time make each other miserable as well.

24. Oasis needs to make a comeback.

25. Last confessions are only for people who plan on dying.

26. Do not, under any circumstances, leave pasta cooking in the kitchen while you yourself are in your bedroom talking to your dad about your ex.

27. I can be content in God's arms with or without the hurt I'm hoping He'll heal.

28. If hospitality is a spiritual art then so is being neat.

29. The only thing more useless than a penny is a two-pence coin.

30. Perfect humility can change your life.