I had a rough day at work yesterday. And the weird thing is, it didn't really happen until after 3:00.
Let's just say there's a hot button issue at work right now. On the two sides of the issue, I happen to be in the minority group. And everyone knows because at a meeting one day I very publicly and very articulately expressed my concerns with the majority. Well, apparently I've become the occasionally leisure topic. Kinda weird, finding out people are talking about you and not to you. Kinda weird, not being able to ask questions and investigate (which could, you know, change my mind) because of the simple fact that I'm already suspicious to the majority. I was so perturbed that I ate a bowl of ice cream, not even because I wanted it, but because I desperately hoped that the influx of chocolate would work its emotional magic.
Anyway, today wasn't so bad, and people don't really worry me because the people I work closely with understand where I'm coming from, I think. But it's given me a lot to think about, the juxtaposition being standing up for yourself against keeping your head down and going with the flow. Is the likelihood of change alter the worth of the risk? Do you stand up for yourself on principle, or do you only risk it when it might actually make a difference? What does that say about your character?
I've been bold in a couple situations over the past week or so, and none have turned out exactly rosy. But the same reason that convinced me to stand up at the meeting in the first place still convinces me that I've been making the right choices. I'm setting precedents for myself. If I hadn't of stood up in front of a hundred or so people and publicly branded myself as unpopular, maybe I wouldn't of had the guts to demand more respect in my relationships this past week. It was terrifying, and my legs were actually shaking and I talked too fast, but I think it made me different than the girl who could have just sat back and let all her frustrations and questions go unanswered as the few bold minority got pounded. So talk away, people.
Just make sure I have some Scrubs reruns and a pint of ice cream.