Flashback

4 years later and still scary.

I was walking home from Bible study the other night, and I went to check my voicmail on my phone. And I got a funny message that I'm not sure I've ever gotten before. Something about all circuits being busy. I kinda frowned at it and figured I just needed to try again. So I did. And I got the same message. And my throat kind of caught, thinking about the last time that all circuits had been busy.

It was Sept. 11.

Alissa had just been talking about the French civil unrest at Bible study, too, and for a minute I was scared that while we had been cloistered in our study, something terrible had happened. The third time, I got through to my voicemail, and my fears relaxed, because if anything had happened, there was no way that I could get through to my voicemail. We're doing a show here at AU about 9/11. It's going up in December. I'm probably going to be at all three shows as the house manager, and tonight I had to wonder how many of these shows I'll be able to get through without breaking down. Walking through campus today, thinking about 9/11 and our show, I wondered if anyone else on this campus was as close to NYC as I was that day, when I could see the debris covering half the sky that evening. I can't help but think about that one image of the firefighters carrying their chaplain out of the area on a chair, ashes covering them all.

I just wish people wouldn't forget. I wish they knew. I wish I knew. I wish people understood why my heart still breaks and why I still get nervous when I'm told all circuits are busy.