Everything's a secret

Ever wonder why you do the things you do? Sometimes I go more on feeling than on reasons. Like, I may not have it nailed down exactly, but it's a cool feeling when you know that this thing, this one thing, you *know* is the right thing to do. Even if you don't know why.

On the other hand, sometimes the things I do for the right reasons don't have the best outcome...

I don't know what I'm doing this summer yet. And it's coming up in like three weeks. And I have a lot of options and within the next couple of weeks I'm going to be pursuing them and figuring them out and such, but I don't know where I'm going to be next month. Sorta like when I decided to go to England. It just sorta happened, all within a two week period, for the next month.

You know what's cool? Being ok with not knowing. I mean, as a general life rule, you should know *some* things about what you want and where you want to go and why you're doing what you're doing. But I don't know what I'm doing half the time (maybe I know the why and not the what. Confusing, right?). I don't know if I'm making the right choices and if they're going to produce the right results. And I could worry about it, and freak out all the time (well, I do do that), but in the end I'll make the same choice as I would have in the first place, without knowing anymore about what's going to happen. There's something beautiful in not knowing what's going to happen next. It could be bad, it could be good. It probably will be unexpected. This is the part of beauty of life, I think. Making the right choices and not knowing what will happen next. Not knowing if tomorrow's going to ruin your life or save it.

My sister says I'm only 21 and I can't ruin my life yet anyway. I can't try to claim that until I'm 40.

Outside the window the trees are starting to blossom, and it's snowing. And today when the question "What's going on?" flirts through my mind, I have to smile. Because I don't have an answer.


Ever close your eyes
Ever stop and listen
Ever feel alive
And you've nothing missing
You don't need a reason
Let the day go on and on

Let the rain fall down
Everywhere around you
Give into it now
Let the day surround you
You don't need a reason
Let the rain go on and on
-Enya