Readers, I have to tell you something. I've already come clean with friends and family. You are my next confessor.
I watch the Bachelor.
First of all, I'd like to apologize to you, scripted television. Besides from my fling with America's Next Top Model, I've stayed pretty faithful to you. I understand how threatened you are by reality. And also, I want to have a job some day. So I fully support you.
Second of all, give me a break --
Yeah, I see you all running for Hulu now.
I've been thinking about why I've allowed myself to get sucked into this show, especially since people take you a little bit less seriously when you pick the Bachelor over 24 on a Monday night. The show is way too long, you know the editing is "creative," and the dates are completely annoying (first of all, I didn't know people could giggle that much and not hyperventilate. Also, all they ever seem to talk about is how much fun they're having. Do they ever have real conversations and actually get to know each other?).
Here's my hook on the Bachelor. I love trying to catch them in the lie. My favourite scenes are when Jake runs off to ask Chris if he can send more girls home and the crew gets caught in the camera's lens like Bambi. And all the questions, trying to puzzle out reality. Is Vienna really a psycho prima dona or was it in the contract for all the girls to gang up on her? Will Jake ever stick to the contracted number of girls he's supposed to eliminate each week or will he slash them like Black Friday prices? Is Michelle diagnosable or was she just edited that way?
Could this really work? Do these people really expect to find love while they're being followed around by USC grads in torn jeans and jaunty knit caps? How can Jake have feelings for that many people at once? What will the relationship last post fairy tale finale? Malarky, is this what culture really accepts as love these days? Is it really love?
So many questions that we will never really know the answers to. Unless, maybe if we watch closely...