Paranoid Writer Syndrome

I have very recently realized what a nervous writer I am. The thing is, writers are all a little bit mental. We all have our varied neurosises, which are, of course, endearing, and the one I will focus on today is our disinclination towards the Current Draft.

You see, the Current Draft proves what absolutely inadequate writers we are. Any previous successes can be admired and future ideas can be refined into idols, but the Current Draft, well, that's what matters. And if you can feel that with each key you press on your keyboard, your story becomes less inspired, more cliched, and flatter than the paper it will be printed on - well, that sort of dread doesn't just go away. The problem with the Current Draft is that it proves we are Talentless Hacks.

I wrote a screenplay last summer. I even sent it off to the Nicholl competition last week. And as I was working on it, I was happy to notice one thing. I Liked It. I really, truly enjoy the story of The 4:05. I would be happy to work on it for years, rewriting it incessently, grinding my teeth against unnecassry but enforced changes, watching it on the big screen. It's a story I am proud of. And even one of the shorts I've written since. It's been through two drafts and received some criticism from a screenwriting student more advanced than I, and I can see myself working on it until it's perfect and pursuing its production by All Means Necessary (there's a scene with an outdoor wedding that might be a little tricky). So past scripts, ok, I Like Them and future ideas, well, I'm all geared up and excited for Script Frenzy. I spend waaay too much time gabbing on the message boards and dreaming up ideas for my poster, because I'm afraid if I do any really planning, I'll get bored with my idea before we start (another neurosis, Pre-Writing Burn Out). So past and future scripts, I Feel Good about.

It's this crappy thing I'm working on right now that's killing me.

I needed something to write in between the Nicholl competition and Script Frenzy, and I was bored with shorts, so I just picked one of my three feature ideas and just determinedly plugged away at it. Since this week, I've gotten it up to 28 pages. Not bad at all. I'm done with Act I, I think. The Thing That Is Bad, though, is the fact that I pretty much feel nothing for this story at all. Maybe I'll get attached to Act II. I have some good ideas. But that's like the Idolization of Future Ideas syndrome. Of course they're Good Ideas! I haven't written them yet!

What if The 4:05... what if it was - a Fluke? Writers don't get very many indications of Talent. All we have are those people who we force our manuscripts upon, and if they aren't legally bound to give us the thumbs up, they probably don't want to hurt our feelings anyway. Even if they genuinely, truly liked it, a writer will go crazy from the words "It was good" because what does that indicate, really? "It was good" gives no idea about Talent. And that is what matters in this business. You have to be talented enough to craft a story that enough people connect with that a script reader will give a Pass on it, a development producer will meet with you for lunch, someone will sign you, executives won't sign another writer to replace you, stars will connect with the characters, a director won't mangle it (too much), an editor won't splice it, distributors will buy it, theatres will show it, and thousands of people will spend their hard earned 8 dollars on it, just to ensure that you will get another shot at conjuring the magic that worked once. I know I've missed a whole bunch of people along the way, forgive me.

The point is, with the Current Draft, you can't be too sure you have that Talent. It's like training to be an economist without being sure if your supply and demand theories are right, training for desert fighting when you could be at war in the mountains, practicing the harp without hearing other harpists, building airplanes without knowing if the fact that you put in square windows is a bad idea (it is, by the way). Cameron Crowe once said that making a movie is like trying to catch lightning in a bottle. Screenwriting is no different.

And I'm just praying that it will rain.